LESSON 115: THIS HEART OF MINE

March 9 2015. LESSON 115: THIS HEART OF MINE

 

to rise. to rise with an intention. to rise with the words” show me today what you want me to surrender? to let go? to be shown. to learn” rising. rising with an intention to go forth. to go deeper into this work to bring my heart to God. to be shown what i carry. to let go of what i carry and make space. to make space for love to go. rising. rising with a heavy heart + a wild surrender. learning. learning to be still. (lesson 114). learning to slow my breath down. to find my heart. to listen for what i most need to let go of. fear. finding fear in the depths of my heart. finding the heaviness in this heart of mine. breathe. truth is not to understand. fear is not to understand. it is to wildly surrender to be filled with love. to go forth in this love. to rise + shine. the words “ i forgive not trusting in love” filled the quite space in my studio. this fear is filling the depths of your heart. make space. make space for love. surrender the need to understand. rise. rise for it is time to make space. to make space for you to trust in the love within you. i carry years of protecting this heart of mine from love. fears. fears of trusting in love. fears that this heart of mine would be broken again. i carry the words “ unravel, let it fall apart, this part of you, let me break you with my love, this is what i have been preparing you for, to make your strength stronger its time to lead a life uncommon, to wrap yourself in my love. lend your voice to mine, you are being called. go darling, love with faith, love with your whole heart. make space for the love in you to guide you. lift the veil over your eyes. see i am showing you. i am showing you through your  surrender the depths of your heart. the depths that my love fills you. go forth in this love. make space for this love to grow. to evolve. to become. protect this love. this love within you with your faith. with my truth. rise. “darling do not be afraid I have and will love you – for a thousand years i believed i would find you and time has brought your heart to mine.” i am letting go to carry only this heart of mine, heavy with love, only love. learning to slow my breath down. learning to make space for this love within me. trusting. trusting in the love within me.

 

TRUSTING LOVE + MAKING SPACE

 

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LESSON 114: BE STILL

March 5, 2015 LESSON 114: BE STILL

 

be. be still. two words. two words that i carry in the deepest place of my heart. two words that are guiding me. teaching me. two words that that were shown to me february 12th. 12 FEB 2015. pen to paper i hand-lettered these words into my journaling bible. some of the first words written. “The Lord will fight for you. you only need to be still.” Exodus 14:14 a verse collected. march 3rd i was brought to these words again. ink pad and date stamp i stamped the page 03 MAR 2015. writing the words “In the stillness your heart will be moved by steadfast love + strength.” i was collecting. collecting this truth. collecting these two words and the deepest knowing there was a place in my heart that was being shifted. a mountain was being moved. letting this love shift the deepest place of my heart. letting it break open for the light to come in. to let the love come in. i was being shown that to choose this love- to delight my heart in God, fully + wildly. to give in. to give in and let go of my own understanding. carrying the two words that led me here. be. be still. my  morning devotion unfolded. journaling. being shown to trust that this love. the love i was created in would carry me. the words “I am open to your plan God. You have my heart completely and the question what fills the deepest place of my heart?” i asked – I spoke. there in the sweetest timing i was shown {in the stillness} all i carried that i was most afraid of. fears of proclaiming my faith. of my past. two words. be still carried a steadfast love and strength. stronger today. 04 MAR 2015. be. be still…  “leap to me. i will heal you of your understanding and show you the truth. notes documented in my iphone notepad. let me break you open. break you from your deepest understanding.  for you to live a life uncommon. unravel. i have been preparing you for this. this moment to meet the stillness. to meet the moment i fight for you. for you to see me fight for this beautiful heart of yours.” collecting journal notes, tears,  moments of singing my heart out, clarity of what i was being shown, my lesson,  i felt the mountain move. the veil lift. {in the stillness.} i carry notes “dont be afraid i have and will love you, i believed and time has brought your heart to me. to the stillness.” i could feel it in my eyes. the steadfast love. the strength. the light. singing my heart out dancing barefoot, wild hair and feathers in my hands. i carry the words be still. i carry an ink pad and date stamp. stamping the page again 05 March 2015. i rose to my daily devotions. there in the stillness i was being led back to this page. the words “i will fight for you.” spoke to the deepest place of my heart. i could feel it. i could feel God’s love without fear. i was being shown. shown the truth to fill the deepest place of my heart with. i was being shown that it was time to allow God lead. let him show me. two words. be still. the hardest task i have been presented. i was being taught my lesson. to go to the stillness. to the place where God can guide me in his strength and plans. this heart of mine. worn and tired from my own understanding. he showed me today how when i go to the stillness what unfolds. the deepest place of my heart open to the light. grateful beyond words to be witnessing God move wildly in me. grateful for the moments of faith-filled coffee and the steadfast love and strength I am being shown.

 

Exodus 14:14

 

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LESSON 112: IT IS TIME TO FLY

March 1, 2015. LESSON 112: IT IS TIME TO FLY

 

i carry a journey. a journey that has full circled. june 1, 2014 to Feb 26, 2015. 272 days. a beautiful journey that would teach me each day. that would teach me for 272 days. day 1. my arrival. a beautiful park in the city. i carried the arrival of being back home. home from a collection of days living by the sea. i was carrying miles, airports, surprises and a knowing i was beginning again. feeling like i was 10 years old. wondering. i was exactly where i needed to be. walking. walking in the trees. walking. walking and asking for guidance. tired feet from beautiful unfoldings. a park bench. sitting. i arrived. i arrived at the Angel of Hope statue. sitting. asking. praying………..an arrival………..an arrival of a teal ceramic bird placed at the feet of the angel. a gentleman with headphones on and cap walked straight up to the angel and placed it there, turning 90 degrees he walked away. sitting. sitting in awe of what i had just seen. i was being shown. walking up to the angel i looked at the teal bird (my favorite color and love birds) in amazement. i looked up to the angel, her arms open. open with willingness to be shown the way. “FLY DARLING” the 2 words soft but strong spoke to my heart. FLY. i was her. i was the angel with open arms. i would be shown “how to fly.” deep breath. the days passed. another walk through the park. my sister next to me. sharing this story and walking to the angel. wondering. would it still be there? an arrival to the angel. the bird was nowhere to be found.  remembering day 1. trusting. trusting in day 1.  days later. i arrived back to the angel. a friend next to me.  sharing this story. i arrived. I looked again. there. there within the flowers below hidden was this teal bird. i remember the feeling. i remember the joy that filled me heart. i remember day 1.  picking it up – i held it in my hands for the first time along with flowers collected from our walk. i was being shown. shown how to fly. how to let go. we stood there together. honoring our friendship and letting go of the collection of days spent by the sea. home. it was time for the bird to come home. to arrive home. the words “when i hear the calling for it to go back i will bring it back there. it is with me only to teach me. nothing more. nothing less. days later. many days later. seasons later. i heard the whisper… it is time for the teal bird (now sitting on a shelf in my living room) to go back. i carried the knowing of this whisper. days later. 2 weeks later the whisper had become a loud calling. february 26, 2015. it was time for the bird to go home. back home. back to the place it arrived. carried in a canvas tote i drove back. snow covered roads. it was time. gratitude. the feeling of gratitude began to fill me.  days. i began to remember  all the days being taught how to fly. be shown how to fly. to trust. to believe. to go forth. to carry all the love within me. carrying the teal bird – wool gloves .  i arrived. i arrived back. each step i took down the snow covered path i realized this was the same path he had walked when he placed the bird at the angel. cold. so very cold outside. breathe nichole- focus. . “it is time”, out loud i spoke these words among the snow covered pine trees. “thank you for teaching me. thank you for guiding me. you are home now. you are filled with love and I am placing you back into the light.” photographing this unfolding. frozen hands. i placed the bird where it arrived on day 1. 270 days later. walking back down the path i could feel tears of gratitude and joy fill me. the tears of a true knowing that through being taught how to fly i was being filled with love. a love that i had never felt before. a love that has been healing my heart and moving me forward into the light.  a love that is strengthening my faith and bringing me back home. back home to arrive.

 

FLY WILDLY.

 

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LESSON 113: CONFIRMATION

March 1, 2015: LESSON 113: CONFIRMATION

 

confirmation. a beautiful confirmation unfolded yesterday. a knowing this morning of why i devote my morning to devotion. to affirmation. to faith journaling. to creative meditation. a confirmation that this time is my direction. my foundation to stand on. an early morning. 22.9 miles cycled. as i rode into the day. the day carried me here + there. with this + with that task. i moved around the task of my morning ritual. my rhythm was beating faster. faster than i was ready for. a familiar feeling i had carried for years. a rhythm of familiar though off beat. “off beat”: missing beats.  i was still riding through the day. it was the first time in a very long time {it feels} that my morning ritual had not unfolded {yet.} the tasks were being crossed off  the list. a list. i carry lists.  sunset. i became aware that the light was setting. i needed to unfold. unfold my affirmation. to photograph in the days light. i found myself a moment to unfold. to unfold my morning ritual. 5pm. chasing the light now.  i could feel all day something was missing. i had allowed myself the gentleness that i would “have”my morning ritual at some point {learning to not be so hard on myself when i skip a beat} 5pm. at 5pm i found the foundation i had been missing. the foundation i build my day upon. the foundation God creates my day on. a beautiful confirmation i was being shown. shown that when this time unfolds later in the day that i feel “off beat” that there are missing beats to my rhythm. a beautiful confirmation of a knowing of why. why i rise early. even when i am tired. i rise to this time. to this morning ritual. to this devotion. to the affirmation. to faith journaling. to creative meditation. to carry all my beats.

 

I carry the words: “I love how sometimes the absence of something is the greatest confirmation”
{an instagram comment from @drmelissawest ~ Thank you for your comment of confirmation}

 

I WILL RISE IN DEVOTION. I WILL RISE WITH FAITH.

 

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LESSON 111: Beginning Stronger

February 22, 2015. LESSON 111: Beginning Stronger

 

i carry. i carry a knowing i am beginning. beginning again. beginning with a knowing. a knowing of my own strength. a process. an unfolding of days. days leading me to a 2 year full circle. an arrival to the end of a beginning and a beginning of a beginning. stronger. beginning stronger. i have been collecting – collecting what i most need to find. it was an arrival that beautifully unfolded. a 2 year full circle. a circle with momentum and spinning around dancing barefoot.  it has been filled with falling and stumbling, filled with joy and tears, filled with healing and truth. there. there standing at the end of the night. of the 1st of the 2 days of the full circle coming to be. i stood. a feeling of the end. the end of the journey. the tears sat behind my eyes. thoughts. the thoughts of fear. a heavy heart. home. heading home. home. home where i know what i need to do. to create what most need to find. a journal in hand i let go. i let go of the last 2 years. i let go of the covering of my eyes from the light. i let go of the ache. the heartache. my hand continued to write across the page. i for-give. i give the light a way in. letting the light guide me. letting the light show me. teach me. to teach me a lesson. a lesson. a knowing now that circles have no end. i carry a knowing that beginnings have no end and we have already begun.  a beautiful unfolding. stronger. i am beginning again. beginning with a knowing i have already begun. beginning in a knowing my own strength. i carry seeing my own strength.  the light. the light is showing me. a full circle. 2 years of steps. i am being made stronger through the process. the weight and moments are not mine to carry. for-give. give the light a way in. allow it to illuminate your spirit. allow it to lead you. allow it to show you and teach you. teach you what you most need to find. i carry the words “you are more brave in love than you think” i carry miracles and love. a beginning of journey lead by faith. by truth. by love. by the light. strong and brave.

 

I CARRY THE WORDS “MY SHADOW DAYS ARE OVER”

 

{this lesson, #111. is dedicated to you lady moon, and to all the spirited woman who are on my path. i am grateful for you.}

 

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